Over the past month, I have spent a total of nine days as a patient in the VA Hospital in Seattle. In the 17 years since I have been diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease, I have spent time in military hospitals (both in the field and out), civilian hospitals, and now the VA. I have to say that the care I received in Seattle was extraordinary. It’s not just the providers, though they were all wonderful, but the whole atmosphere of concern, respect, and camaraderie. There’s nothing like it.
For those of you who are not familiar with Crohn’s Disease, it is an incurable inflammatory bowel disease that has chronic recurring periods of flare-ups and remission. Every day I strive to keep it in check, but every few years it comes back hard and I have to seek help to beat it back into remission. Like any good soldier, I fight the battle first on my own and seek reinforcements only once all appears lost. Sometimes, my “I can fix this myself” attitude gets me into serious trouble. This was one of those times. By waiting so long to get medical care, I had allowed a seven-inch bleeding laceration into my colon. The docs said it looked like a bear claw had swiped through allowing all kinds of nasty germs to grow.
Let’s be honest here. When a civilian sees their blood leaving their body, they tend to stop what they are doing and fix it. When a soldier sees blood leaving their body, they notice it, do a little swearing, and then drive on. They will deal with that once their mission has been completed. Their “mission” of the moment may be storming a bunker. It might be getting a book edit completed for work or might be as simple as making the morning coffee. It doesn’t matter. It’s the mission of the moment and it must be completed. What’s a little blood?
Just because I am no longer a soldier, my “missions” are no less important to me and the need to complete each one successfully still drives me. I have served the Army but my missions now center on taking care of my family, doing good work at my job, and helping all those that I can. As I mentioned in a previous blog, I am the family “rock.” My kids and grandkids bring me their problems and I fix them. It’s what I do. Yes, it can be a lot of pressure and a lot of stress. The same pressure I know many of you feel in your daily lives. You notice it, you swear, and you drive on. You are so busy taking care of everything and everyone around you that you don’t stop and take care of you. For me, this often results in a flare up of my Crohn’s Disease. For you, it could also manifest as illness or as uncontrollable anger, depression, or a combination of all three. We need to stop doing this. It’s a destructive cycle. I want to be here for my kids and grandkids. I want to be here to see them grow up. They need me and I need to be healthy for them, healthy in mind and body.
Yes, I’m tired of being sick. I’m tired of it interrupting my life and making me put my “missions” on hold. In the hospital, you can feel alone and can get very depressed. I did. But thanks to a fellow veteran who found me crying in the hospital smoke shack at three in the morning, I’m still here. He came in the shack, pulled his I.V. pole over next to mine and sat down. He asked if I was going to be ok and then he just sat there next to me for over an hour while I cried. He showed me that I wasn’t alone and it felt good to just have someone there who understood. Your fellow veterans can help you as well. He doesn’t know it, but that Veteran saved a life that night. Whether you’re struggling mentally or physically, reach out to each other. It helps.
